Asymptote

AN: This is my first Fushigi Yuugi fanfiction. I've been dreaming for two years to be able to put out something, and I am so happy that I finally made it happen. I don't have much to say about this piece; it's very short. I don't think I've ever made anything this short before. It is a Suboshi x Yui x Amiboshi love triangle. Well, sort of. It's in Suboshi's point of view, and he's wondering about his romantic love with his priestess and brotherly love with his brother. I feel a little sorry for him. A big thanks goes to ShadowMajin for the beta.

There was a bird, hurt, lying on the partly frozen water. Suboshi could only watch as it tried to remove itself from the ice-covered stream. Its wing was broken and it had been out there for a while now. He wondered if it was cold from the deep chill of winter. This was Hokkan after all.

The teenager continued to stare, thinking that perhaps he should offer his help. But he thought twice about it, and decided not to. He was not the most gentle of all people, and the little bird might just end up with two battered wings instead of one. He watched half frozen with pity, and the other with the bitter cold.

Suboshi realized that if he turned just a little bit to his left so he faced the other side of the stream, he might just catch his Priestess's eyes. He could wave at her, he thought. He could smile at her, even though she might not smile back. That happened often. He would not find it strange if it happened again.

But I'm her guardian, he tried to convince himself. I should be around her at all times.

Suboshi walked toward her, but she began to move back towards the camp.

Lady Yui…

He stopped on his tracks, and noticed that the bird was still trying in vain to free itself from the ice. He shrugged in defeat as if telling it that he could not do anything, and moved back to the camp where his priestess was headed. He was almost close to her when someone had called him.

"Suboshi! Why don't you make yourself useful, and collect some wood for the fire?" The simple order was articulated almost monotonously, but the young warrior could feel the frosty undertones behind Nakago's request.

First of all, collecting wood was something pages that volunteered along for the journey were expected to do. Nakago had purposely told him to run the errand to remind him that he was not any better than a common attendant, even though the azure mark on his left shoulder glowed in discrepancy. Suboshi sulked, because he knew that the silent accusation was true. It did not matter that his title ranked higher than servants; he would do what he was told, and he would do it because he was inferior to Nakago.

He wondered how much that man could really say without speaking one word. Though as soon as Suboshi thought about it, he shook the idea from his head, and decided that that was not something he would like to experience first hand anyhow. He watched as the general walked back into his tent, and he swore he caught a glimpse of Soi waiting in there. When the curtains had fallen back down, Suboshi stared ahead of him and realized he could no longer see where his priestess had gone. Shrugging once again with disappointment this time, he decided he better heed Nakago's order before he was reprimanded. He walked into the woods, kicking the fallen snow once in a while, hoping he would see some broken branches and twigs underneath; what good they would do, he did not know, because damp wood would not catch fire anyway. At least not right away, and he knew well that Nakago needed the fire now.

Lady Yui, Suboshi realized, was like damp wood, and he was like the fire that tried so hard to warm her, to dry her.

Sometimes when the time was quiet, and there was nothing else to do, he would get this kind of thoughts. He thought it was strange at first to be thinking of things this way when they could do absolutely nothing nor change any of what was happening. But Amiboshi was no longer here to share his wisdom with him, and he had always been the thinker of the two. Without him, it was up to Suboshi to answer his own questions. He had many things he could not understand.

Amiboshi would have been the spark that would catch Yui on fire.

Don't think about that now…

But he would have been. He had the natural appeal, the gentleness, and the charm of his music. Unlike Suboshi who could do nothing to brighten his priestess's mood, his brother on the other hand had all the means to do so. With all his sweetness, Amiboshi could steal Yui's heart with his music in just one playing. He had stolen everyone else's, didn't he? She would not be an exception. Maybe he would not even need to play for her. Maybe one smile could do, or a simple hello. Would she smile and wave back to him enthusiastically? Maybe he could even make her laugh, or inspire her with his dreams of peace. Would she like him for everything that Suboshi was not?

The young teen knew that it was pointless to bear jealousy against a dead boy, but he had always wondered what would happen if Amiboshi had indeed met Lady Yui. He felt jealous often enough that he began to feel sorry. He felt sorry that he knew he could not do what his brother could, and he felt sorry that his brother never had a chance.

Would she have fallen in love with Amiboshi?

Suboshi bent down to collect some fallen branches and twigs. He tried to look for ones that were the driest. Finding tinder was more difficult; usually plant fibres or dried moss could be found on the ground, but they were all covered in snow. Maybe the camp would have some unused materials that could substitute. He shrugged again, and headed back to camp with what little he had collected so far.

When he neared the camp and reached the stream again, the flutter of the trapped bird had eased down, but Suboshi could still feel its desperation to free itself. Maybe after he placed all the wood down, he would go and move the bird away from the unmoving stream. It could not fly again, but at least he could put it in a warmer spot.

As soon as he had put down the tiny collection of firewood, he saw Yui come out of her tent. She noticed him and gave a small nod towards his way. Finally, some acknowledgement! He walked to her, and for the first time in a while she did not walk away.

"Hello Suboshi," she greeted and smiled slightly.

"Y-your Eminence," he stammered. "H-how are you doing now? I haven't talked with you in a while."

The priestess looked to the side with round eyes, and back to her warrior. "Uhm… we talked about fifteen minutes ago… by the stream."

Blushing furiously, Suboshi looked down, and mentally berated himself for his carelessness. Of course, they had talked by the stream… before he zoned off looking at that bird. And here he was, feeling that every minute apart from the beautiful emigrant were like hours. He must have appeared silly before her eyes.

She chuckled to herself, which confirmed Suboshi's supposition.

"Uhm…" he mumbled. "I was just… just…"

"Just collecting wood. I know," she replied. "I saw you come from the forest."

"But I was…" Suboshi was about to protest, but his priestess cut in before him.

"It's nice of you," she smiled wider. "To help out like that. Most people would think they're above others here. It's nice to know that you're not like that."

"Uh, yes… I guess," her warrior sheepishly responded, avoiding her eyes. So… for once, something of Nakago's doing had helped him. Here he initially thought that she would criticize him for doing a menial chore. Nobody in their right mind in Kutou would want to be caught in a situation like his.

She nodded and moved away, walking towards the largest tent in the area.

"Lady Yui!" Suboshi called. "Where are you going?"

"I need to go talk with Nakago," she replied back, turning around to look at him.

Suboshi would have normally mumbled angrily to himself with a response such as that, but he found himself rendered speechless seeing his priestess in front of the sun set backdrop. It was gorgeous, he thought. She was gorgeous. The gentle slopes, along with the off-white snow against the orange glare of the sun made the best view he had ever seen of Yui. Of course, it would have been perfect if it had not been for that large tent she was heading for standing prominently behind her.

"Do you need anything?" she asked, this time though, sounding rather impatient.

"Ah… no!" he answered, his blush returning. He turned and swiftly walked away, hoping that the wind slapping against his cheeks would cool them down. The opposite happened when he felt the heat spread down to his neck and across his face to his ears. He must have looked like the Konan coat of arms.

The next time he saw Yui again was at night when she was about to go to sleep. All the Seiryuu warriors and their priestess had their tents close together, and Suboshi decided that before he went off to bed himself, he would just check on Yui to make sure that she was feeling alright. For the past couple of weeks they have traveled, he had noticed a pattern: rather than feeling relieved and satisfied after reviewing her so called 'plans' with the leader of the pack, she appeared to become glum and exhausted. Suboshi could only guess the gravity of the matters that Nakago had been telling her. If they were true, that is.

He opened the front of her tent, and politely asked her permission to enter. She did not object so he went and kneeled by her bed roll.

"Lady Yui, are you feeling alright?" he asked.

She pushed the blankets away and sat up. "Why would you think I wasn't?"

Suboshi felt the all too familiar heat rise up to his face again. "Uhm… I'm just asking. I don't know if you are, or you're not. I was just wondering…"

"Shouldn't you be sleeping?"

"I will soon. I just… Lady Yui?"

"Yes?"

"What did you and Nakago talk about?" The 'important matters' that the other celestial warrior and Yui discussed were never shared with him. It was not like he was too interested in them; whatever they were he was sure that he had no control over them. All he wanted to do was talk to her.

"Suboshi, what Nakago and I talk about are just between the two of us, alright?" Her voice was not harsh like usual, but he could tell that she did not want to converse about it.

He nodded lamely, and suddenly he did not know what to say. Nor could he find the need to stand up and leave. He ended up staring at the woolen blankets covering his priestess's legs, his mind thinking of nothing.

"Why are you here?" she asked. "I'm alright."

He looked up and found his eyes stuck staring at hers. He couldn't move away, and for a moment, the heat rising in his body was replaced with panic.

She'd think I'm a maniac, he thought. Still, he could not avert his eyes. Slowly he realized that she was moving her hand towards his face.

"Please don't slap me!" he blurted out, catching her off guard. She stared back at him, stunned and wide-eyed, hand hanging softly in the middle of the air.

With all his heart, Suboshi begged Seiryuu to open the ground beneath him so that he would disappear. This was humiliating! How strange was it that every time he wanted to talk, his mouth would not cooperate, and now that he should be keeping foolish comments to himself, his mouth suddenly decided to work? Suboshi concluded that he probably had the worst mind and mouth coordination, and cursed himself for it.

His thoughts was distracted when Yui began to cachinnate loudly. She brought the blankets over her face to muffle her laughter so she would not wake the others. It was already late at night. For a few minutes, Suboshi could only stare at her chortling form. When she had calmed down, she looked at him with amused eyes and a big grin.

She leaned in closer and gave him a quick kiss on his cheek, and followed it by pinching him.

"Suboshi, I think you're stressed. Why don't you go and rest?" she whispered.

For the second time that night, the young warrior didn't answer her question. She kept a hand on his left cheek, stroking it softly… sadly, he realized; she pitied him.

"Just go to sleep," she said again.

"But Lady Yui, I…"

She interrupted him, "Go to sleep, Suboshi." She smiled. "Good night."

"Lady Yui, I want to tell you…"

"Shh… just go."

He continued to look at her, defeated and puzzled, before getting up from the floor. He did not turn back to look at her when he exited her tent. The chilly wind and the silver light of the moon welcomed him outside. The camp was quiet now. There were a few guards keeping their positions but they did not make any noise. Suboshi was about to go to his own tent, when something caught his eye.

The bird he saw that afternoon was still on the frozen stream, lying still. Its wings no longer fluttered, and part of Suboshi was happy for it. It must have hurt a lot having to constantly bang its wounded wing on the ground. The other part of him felt dispirited. He could have done something, and yet he forgot.

Casting his eyes downward, he made his way to his tent. It was time to get some rest. He would have another big day tomorrow. It would be big and eventless; perhaps another day of trying his best to tell his priestess about something that even he was clueless to. He would try his best to tell her about feelings that did not have words to represent them. And yet he would try, and hopefully she would understand this time.

However, deep inside he knew that he could hope all he wanted, but it would not make his wish come true. He knew she was like the sky, and he like that bird on the stream. She was wet wood, and he was the wild fire. She was the Priestess of Seiryuu, and he was only her warrior.

Nevertheless, Suboshi decided he would keep trying. He knew that each day he tried, he was a step closer. He would get closer and closer, and then one day maybe he would succeed. And when he would grow exhausted from trying, he would just remind himself of Amiboshi, and continue loving her because his twin brother could not.

AN: Anyway, in Ryuusei-Den, Amiboshi admitted that he is in love with the Priestess of Seiryuu. Although being a strong Subo/Yui shipper, I just think that it's only the idea of her that he fell in love with, not really Yui herself. Hehe. I just feel so bad for Suboshi. How sad must it be for him to know that he will never be good enough. That boy has so much inadequacies, and he never got a chance to prove himself otherwise.